Scoblete | Frank Scoblete

Mother Nature is Nuts!

Mother Nature is nuts! I hate to offend nature lovers and those whose religious zeal makes them worship earth, known as Gaea, as if it were alive. Sorry, no, you have misplaced your trust. As I just said and repeat, “Mother Nature is nuts!”

As many of my readers know, my wife, the Beautiful AP, and I have become birders. I enjoy going into the wilderness (meaning a local park with cement paths where I can’t get lost) in order to pause in wonder at those beautiful birds, flapping their wings, sitting on branches, mating, hunting and (marvelous!) taking to the air.

Give me a power and it would be the ability to fly. Up there is a whole different world of wind whipping through my wings. Mother Nature’s blind evolution has worked wonders. Or has it?

At first glance it might seem so but then you realize the following creatures that are called “birds”: the Ostrich, the Emu, the Cassowary, the Rhea, the Kiwi and the pungent Penguin are all scientifically classified as class: aves; genus: grounded. None of them can fly! What kind of bird is that? Might as well call an elephant a bird since it can’t fly either.

To make matters worse, our distraught Mother Nature has created 900 different species of bats that can fly! What the hell? Scientifically, bats are class: mammals; genus: disgusting rodents. Why allow them to take to the air when those “flightless birds” are wandering around on the ground?

I am disappointed. Birds should not be allowed not to fly; it is a sin of immense proportions. Do you hear that, Mother Nature?

But, sadly, flightless birds aren’t Mother Nature’s only screw-up. Take whales and dolphins and porpoises; they are mammals that never leave the water. Class: mammals; genus: wet. What the hell?

This has caused me distress in front of my grandchildren.

“And the biggest animal in the world is the blue whale. No animal ever was this big. It lives in the ocean.” I said to my lovely granddaughter.

“In the ocean?” she asked, puzzled.

“Yes, it lives in the ocean,” I repeated.

“Isn’t that supposed to be a fish?” said my quizzical grandson.

“Uh, ah, ye, um,” I stammered.

Thanks, Mother Nature! I look like an idiot in front of my grandchildren.

Oscar Hammerstein II blew off science class and then wrote the lyrics, “Fish got to swim, birds got to fly,” I’m with you, Oscar! I don’t want my world to have rodents that fly, birds that don’t, and mammals that never walk the earth. That is not a sane world. Mother Nature has proven herself to be nuts!

My only advice is to avoid explaining this anomaly to your grandchildren.

[Read Frank’s new book Confessions of a Wayward Catholic. Available on Amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.]

The Hitler Freeze

What happens when a speaker talking to any size audience mentions three of the world’s worst mass murderers, Stalin from the Soviet Union, Mao from China and Hitler from Germany?

Stalin may have murdered upwards of 22 million people. At the mention of Stalin’s name, the people listen intently. At the mention of Mao and his slaughter of some 60 million people, people also listen intently.

And why not? These are horrible crimes of unimaginable scale.

At the mention Hitler and his murder of between 11 and 13 million people – six million of whom were Jews, what happens? People become silenter than silent. It’s hard to tell if people are even breathing.

The word “Hitler” freezes people solid. His name takes the air out of a room. People become transfixed.

What is it about Hitler that brings such a response? Is Hitler in some other category even though he committed fewer murders than Stalin and Mao’s? Or is it something else?

It’s something else.

If any European country, and that means the Western civilized world including the United States, Canada and Australia, can lay claim to being a brilliant one, it is certainly Germany. Germany was the epitome of culture and class in philosophy, science, art, engineering, music. Germany was indeed the brightest light among the lights of the intellectual world.

Russia and China were not in such a class. They were not Western. They were merely the other in the public’s mind; countries that stood outside of the advanced world; countries from which you might possibly expect wholesale slaughter.

How could Germany, now composed of chanting, goose stepping, militaristic concentration camp monsters, espousing their racial superiority and finally instituting the “final solution”—in short, the killing of all the Jews in the world—how could such people be such beasts? How could this great civilization become totally barbaric?

There are reasons. The underlying hate of despised groups can undermine whatever veneer of higher civilization a country might seemingly possess. Despised groups included the Jews, gays, gypsies, and the physically deformed, among others.

But there is another reason for horror. According to Tom Beck, “The Nazis were exporting their terror. With each successive victory that Germany had over other countries, the ‘final solution’ was instituted in those conquered countries. The Nazi killing machine spread across the continent and Hitler made it plain that his ideas would take over the world, as would his slaughter.”

According to Tom, “Those whom Stalin murdered were Soviets; those Mao murdered were Chinese. They did not have a ‘final solution’ for the rest of the world.”

So Hitler, the resplendent ruler of a civilized European country, was able to militarize them not just to fight wars, but to slaughter select groups no matter where those groups resided.

To top it off, the final view of the ‘final solution’ had the Allied soldiers discover the concentration camps and their moribund inhabitants. Our soldiers got to see the horrors Hitler perpetrated, and pictures of these starved men, women and children were shown to the world. In the words from the great horror movie Night of the Living Dead, “They’re coming to get you Barbara!” and, yes, for each one of the despised groups and those of us who would defend such groups, the Nazis were coming to get us.

As a kid I remember when my father had Jewish friends with tattoos on their arms. “What are those tattoos?” I asked him. He looked at me and shook his head, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.” He knew of the horror, as did his friends, and he was trying to spare me.

What my father tried to spare me from is exactly what freezes those hearing Hitler’s name. The Nazi terror is the real monster under all of our beds. It doesn’t just exist in one country; it builds concentration camps beyond its borders. That fact frightens adults and children. “The monster is coming to get you…”

[Buy Frank’s new book Confessions of a Wayward Catholic. Available on Amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.]

I was Injured in Cape May

It happened on the 13^th hole. Until that moment I was having one of my best games ever. I was stepping backwards to get out of my wife’s way. I didn’t want to interfere with her putt.

The ground seemed level behind me as I stepped, stepped, slowly stepped backwards but the ground wasn’t level. I tripped over a small hilly section, lost my balance and went stumbling backwards and, trying to regain my feet and not fall (accompanied by the laughter of the universe) I swung my arms out; tried to get my feet under me in order to right myself but none of that happened.

I fell (oh, so pathetically) into the bushes surrounding the hole. The damn 13^th hole. The unlucky 13^th hole.

According to my beloved wife, I went all octopussy, my flailing arms all over the place, with my herky-jerky legs attempting to do the impossible – correcting my fall and regaining my balance.

I hit those bushes hard. Branches cut the back of my neck (one even stuck in there – a small one that still hurt like hell and made me bleed a lot). I slammed my knee to the ground and cut it; my shoulder slammed the bush’s main stem and still hurts me now as I write this.

I was down. I was so down. I was just happy that the entire world was not there to see this “fat man” go down. When fat men fall, it is funny. I know that. I do know that. And you can’t deny that either.

My wife the Beautiful AP came running over to me. I was trying to lift myself up and out of the bushes. “Let me help you,” she said. “Let me help you.”

“I’m fat. I’m heavy,” I said.

“Hey, can I help?” asked a man who came running over to our hole. I was still flopping on the ground trying to stand up.

“Oh, oh, thank you,” said my beautiful wife.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” I said. I wasn’t okay. I was trying to be okay to diminish the torment of going down and looking idiotic in front of this man.

“I’m a lifeguard,” said the man. He was in great shape. Tanned and good looking. On the other hand, I was fat and flopping-flapping on the ground.

“I’m a lifeguard too,” said my wife.

“I just finished swimming a two and a half mile ocean race,” said the good-looking tanned lifeguard.

“I’m only a pool lifeguard,” said my wife.

“I’m an ocean lifeguard,” said the tanned, good-looking in-shape creep.

“Don’t worry about me,” I said. “I can get myself up.”

So I did get myself up. Despite the tanned, good-looking lifeguard wanting to walk me off the course, I was able to leave without the bastard’s help.

I say this and I say this with all manner of conviction. I will never play miniature golf again!

[Read Frank Scoblete’s Confessions of a Wayward Catholic! Available on Amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.]

Should You Place the 5 and 9 at Craps?

There’s been a lot of debate in craps circles about the placing of the 5 and 9, some of it quite intense between the camps that say do and the camps that say don’t.

Well I am now going to settle this thing once and for all – or at least for the next few minutes while you read this. I am dealing with controlled shooters now, not random rollers. No random roller should ever consider placing the 5 or 9 as that four percent house edge is just too darn much to have much of a chance of being ahead in the near future. It might be so near as to be tonight.

If a shooter is reducing the appearance of the 7 he is obviously increasing the appearance of other numbers, maybe not all of the other numbers but certainly some of the other numbers.

Now a controlled shooter has just hit a few 5s (or 9s) in short order. Do you place the 5 in that case? The answer, startlingly, is yes…and no.

Let’s take the “no” first. Is the appearance of those 5s enough to warrant a place bet against that large four percent house edge on a 5 (or 9)? Here is the unexpected answer: Forget that the shooter just rolled those 5s, the question you should ask yourself is this, “Is that shooter’s past results indicative of an ability to overcome a four percent house edge in the future?” The answer to this is usually “No, he isn’t good enough from this point on to overcome edge on the 5.”

It doesn’t matter that he just hit some 5s, you have to look towards his future prospects based on the wealth of his past performance, not based on a few rolls that just happened.

For most dice controllers that settles the issue. DO NOT place bet the 5 and 9. The edge is too high, period.

Now too many novice and intermediate dice controllers have a bloated concept of how good they are. They think, erroneously, that they can overcome the house edge on the 5 because the 5 just showed a few times.

Now let me go to the “yes” place-the-5-side of the argument but first an absolutely important preface:

Kids selectively listen to what teachers say. Take the sex talks that now seem de rigueur in public schools. Teachers say the following, “You shouldn’t have sex but if you are going to have sex use a condom.”

What the kids hear is this: “Have sex.” The rest of the sentence is forgotten.

Craps players also have selective memories. They look for ways to continue stupid betting practices by scrounging around for trend systems, usually the repeating number system, and other systems that essentially make them losers even if they have developed a controlled throw.

So what I write now is NOT to be selectively remembered. Remember it all or don’t read it.

So unless you are at the tables with a true master of dice control who is getting into a real streak, not an imagined one, then DO NOT place bet the 5 or 9.

And do not selectively remember the above to think it gives you permission to follow the advice of new or intermediate dice controllers or systems advocates. “Have sex” this ain’t!

There is one more point that is somewhat profound. Advantage craps really shouldn’t be looked at in the short run where numbers are appearing and disappearing with great frequency. It should be looked at globally over thousands, hundreds of thousands and perhaps millions of rolls. When it is looked at that way, almost all controlled shooters will make much more money on the 6 and 8; on Come and Pass line bets, than they will on attempting to hop onto short term fluctuations happening now.

So my advice is this: Do not place the 5 and 9. If you wish to go with other numbers use the Come with a minimum of 5X odds. This formula is tried and true. This formula is truly the “keys to the casinos’ money.”

[Read Frank Scoblete’s new book I Am a Dice Controller: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Craps! Available from Amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.]

Swan Lake

It was to be an average Sunday birding expedition with our South Shore Audubon Society. There were about 25 people gathered on Merrick Road in Massapequa, New York. At this juncture of Merrick Road, the word “road” is a misnomer as the “road” is more of a parkway and the cars are whooshing by at 50 miles per hour.

That was okay; we were all on the sidewalk looking out over the beautiful Massapequa Lake checking out any one of the 31 species we would see that day.

I caught the event in my peripheral vision and simultaneously heard the woman scream, “Aaaaarrrrrggggghhhh!” A huge Mute Swan, one of those beautiful all-white creatures, had flown over our heads and across Merrick Road, then hit the electric lines and fell onto the road just at the edge of the curb. I saw it drop. The bird moved a little but I was sure it would die. It must have hit those power lines at maximum speed.

Four of our members braved the traffic with Bob yelling, “Don’t cross the road; you’ll get hit.” But committed birders are committed birders, that’s for sure. Four bravehearts, first Bill, who was then joined by Bill. Then Cathy and Anne crossed that road. The first Bill knelt by the bird. The bird moved its legs slightly so it was still alive.

“They had better get that bird onto the sidewalk or some car is going to hit them,” I said to Paul and Bob.

“The bird is dead or it will be dead,” said Paul.

“They were crazy to cross that road,” said Bob.

A car pulled up near us and a grey-haired lady got out. As fate would have it, this lady had just gotten her certificate in animal rescue. She and some of our birders talked and she called the animal rescue society.

“That bird is dead,” I said.

“Dead,” said Paul.

“I know dead when I see it,” I said.

“We’re lucky our guys didn’t get hit by a car,” said Bob.

Bill and Bill and Anne and Cathy lifted the bird to the sidewalk. These Mute Swans are quite large, upwards of four feet sometimes, so it took them a little time to get that bird onto the sidewalk.

“It’s dead,” I said.

“They should throw it into the stream,” said Paul.

“What a way to die,” I said, “slamming into those wires.”

“Those guys were crazy crossing that road,” said Bob shaking his head.

Then the bird moved. It flapped its wings and tried to stand up. Our four birders lifted it. “Let’s get it back to the lake,” one of the four bravehearts said. And so Bill and Bill lifted the bird and started across the road while the grey-haired lady and Kathy and Anne stopped traffic.

As the bird came towards the lake it seemed much better. The men released it and it paused on the banks of the water.

“Man,” I said. “I really thought it was dead.”

“So did I,” Paul said.

“I still wouldn’t have crossed that road,” said Bob.

The bird took to the water and we all burst into applause. You would think this conclusion would have made our day but then…

…another Mute Swan came zipping over – this one was gigantic, much bigger than our injured one.

“Oh, God, no!” shouted one of our birders.

“No! That other swan is going to kill it!” shouted a second woman.

The gigantic Mute Swan aggressively slammed his head right into our swan. A skirmish ensued, but our swan struggled to shore while the gigantic one waited for him to reenter the lake. Our swan stayed put. When the gigantic swan saw that our swan would not head back into the lake, it paddled away but you could see he was still eyeing our swan.

When our swan reentered the lake the gigantic swan came flying over.

“I don’t think our swan can survive another fight,” I said.

“The big swan is going to kill it,” said Paul.

“Our swan should never have gotten back into the water,” said Bob.

“Our swan can’t fly,” I said at the exact same moment our swan took to the air and escaped the gigantic one who, surprisingly, did not follow it.

Joe, our leader, said: “They are territorial. They stake out a section of a lake and will fight any other one from going into their territory. Mute Swans tend to mate for life. Another bird enters its territory at risk.”

Our mute swan survived an awful ordeal.

“I really thought it was dead,” I said.

“So did I,” said Paul.

“I still wouldn’t have crossed the street,” said Bob.

[Read Frank Scoblete’s book Confessions of a Wayward Catholic. Available from Amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.]

The Faster the “Worster”

There are two factors that must be considered when analyzing the various casino games, the house edge and speed of the game. The two go together like “love and marriage” and a “horse and carriage.”

A game with a high house edge but very few decisions might actually be better than playing a game with a low house edge but many decisions.

Take a look at the game of mini-baccarat. The house edges on the two main bets of “bank” and “player” are 1.06 percent and 1.24 percent respectively. That means a player can expect to lose $1.06 per $100 wagered on “bank” and $1.24 per $100 wagered on “player.” Sounds great and as house edges go it is great.

Now let us take a look at roulette. The house edge on the American wheel (0 and 00) is a monstrous 5.26 percent. Yikes! That means a player can expect to lose $5.26 per $100 wagered. That is some big loss.

So it is clear that as house edges go, mini-baccarat is overwhelmingly superior to roulette.

Now let’s take a look at the speed of these games. In mini-baccarat a player can face 150 or more decisions per hour on either “bank” or “player.” There is a third bet too but we don’t have to worry about it since we never make it. That is called the “tie” bet coming in with over a 14 percent house edge.

I recently went to the casino and clocked mini-baccarat games. They came in with 140 to 180 decisions per hour. An amazing speed! Now, the minimum bet was $15 (most players were green and black chippers but let’s stick to $15). Let us take 160 decisions per hour.

The player bets $15 for 160 decisions. He bets a total of $2,400 and his expectation is to lose $25.44 on “bank” and $29.76 on “player.” So let’s say we average these two out to make the hourly loss on a $15 bet $27.60.

Now we turn our attention to roulette. The average game (based on my observations) will have approximately 35 decisions per hour (especially at an almost full or completely full table). So multiply $15 times 35 decisions and you get $525 wagered of which the player is expected to lose $27.62 – just about the same as a player at mini-baccarat. So a good house-edge game and a bad house-edge game come in just about the same.

So when you are deciding which games to play and if you want to figure what your losses would be with game “A” and game “B,” it is wise to learn how fast the games are as well. House edge is only one measure. It takes “two to tango” after all.

[Frank Scoblete’s new books are I Am a Dice Controller: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Craps! and I Am a Card Counter: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Blackjack! Available on Amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.]

A Chanting We Will Go!

Those of you around in the late 1960s and early 1970s will remember the anti-draft chant of “Hell no, we won’t go!” That chant was heard almost every day at colleges and street protests and during occasional riots.

In the 1930s the chant was: “America first! America first!”

Those of us in labor unions have used many chants as we picketed or protested this, that or the other injustice.

The recent anti-Trump rallies have seen many such chants, some which have been used long before Trump became President. Here are a few (taken from L.V. Anderson’s article “All the Chants I Heard….” from Slate website:)

No justice, no peace!
My body, my choice!
Muslim rights are human rights! (You can replace “Muslim” with any group.)
Black lives matter!
Education not deportation!
Say it loud! Say it clear, refugees are welcome here!
Love trumps hate!
Whose streets? Our streets!
Hey hey! Ho ho! Donald Trump has got to go!
Love! Not hate! Makes America great!
Donald Trump! Go away! Racist, sexist, anti-gay!

Many of you who are religious know the various chants of your faith. In Buddhism such chants are called mantras.

So why are chants used in protests? Two reasons:

The chants keep people united
The chants stop the chanters from actually thinking

Something said over and over and over again drowns out any other thoughts a person can have. This is an effective tool in meditation because it focuses the mind. Chanting is a thought destroyer that allows leaders to manipulate the chanters.

The next demonstration you attend (or watch on television) please note the faces of the chanters. Do they reflect deeply held thoughts and reasoned opinions? Or do they reflect the exact opposite?

[Read my book Confessions of a Wayward Catholic! Available at amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.]

I Have Some Questions

In the movies when a person wants to carry a gun without a holster, he puts the gun behind him in his belt. Wouldn’t that be dangerous? I mean the gun can go off and create a new butt next to his old butt. Is this really where to put a gun?
I have been watching some of these recent demonstrations against President Trump. A noticeable number of women are wearing the hijab (a head covering) which is a cultural/religious thing Muslim women do – probably at the behest of Muslim men, meaning they are forced to do it. Even our female politicians when visiting most Muslim countries obey this dictum. Hillary and Chelsea Clinton have both worn them and, I, therefore, have this question: Shouldn’t feminists decry such headgear? Shouldn’t the leaders of the feminist movement rail against the diminishment of Muslim women? Why aren’t they?
Russia, it’s all about Russia. Do any of you remember that Communism and the Soviet Union were the “in” things among progressives? In the legion of horror, Stalin was in the top three despots – Putin doesn’t even make the list. Obama told Dmitry Medvedev to tell Putin that he (meaning Obama) would have more leverage once he (meaning Obama) was reelected. What changed with the left since then? Suddenly they are haters of Russia.
I can’t stand the self-righteous stance of those who know “the truth.” Didn’t Jesus stay silent when Pilate sarcastically asked him: “And what is the truth?” But I think the truth splashes both ways. We all know how it splashes on the political right – anti-science, silly theories of history, enslavement to ideas that are irrational, but what of the political left? Having met many in the pro-abortion movement, I see the same kind of religious fervor with them as I do with the most extreme Baptist in some tiny clapboard church out in the backwoods. Why is it that some secular tenets are adhered to with such religious zeal?
Does affirmative action and diversity on college campuses simply come down admitting people of different colors? Has college admissions actually become a coloring book?
[Read my book Confessions of a Wayward Catholic!]

Genetic Roulette

Everything in life is a gamble. Whether it’s crossing the street, deciding what to eat, whom to date, whom to marry, flying in a plane, taking a shower, just sitting in your living room; all of these activities could end in happiness, misery and perhaps death. That’s the way it is.

Marriage is not the worst of gambles because divorce is always there to save an individual in a bad marriage, so there is a legal out. Of course, depending on your religion, divorce might not be an option. If you decide to divorce a spouse who enjoys firing guns, using knives or loves to punch away, asking for a divorce could be a terrible gamble.

I think the most awesome gamble is having children; it is a lifelong commitment for men and women who take having children seriously and don’t feel free to desert them.

All parents play genetic roulette when procreating. Spin the genetic wheel and you hope the child who is born is a nice one who becomes a fine adult. No parents know what kind of kid they will have; what kind of adult that kid will grow up to be. Genetic links to beings long, long gone can come out at any time. It is roulette made of flesh.

Genetic leanings that characterized Uncle William who died in the Tower of London centuries ago might just manifest themselves in your sweet baby— and ultimately Attica prison ultimately becomes his residence.

What do parents see, hear and feel as junior grows up? Here is an example:

“Oh, my, my, he is such a beautiful baby. I think he might be President of the United States someday. He looks so intelligent.”

“He doesn’t play well with of the kids around here because they just aren’t at his intellectual level.”

“His grades are low. I think the school underestimates his ability.”

“The cop said he showed a lot of respect so his bail was set low.”

“I’m hoping he actually gets that high school diploma. All those suspensions! The school just doesn’t have the resources to educate him properly.”

“He has his own apartment. In our basement. His employers don’t see his genius and they let him go.”

“At least he hasn’t killed anyone.”

“Yet.”

We never know what will arise from our genetic history. You just never know who your child will be.

How does this relate to gambling? That is simple really. Look at all the games. The house edges and the total number of bets that can be made. They constitute the double helix of gambling action.

Craps has a multitude of bets – the game is like Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Blackjack has even more choices a player can make. Add in roulette, baccarat, Pai Gow Poker and a host of other games, including machines, and what comes up is, well, anybody’s guess. The “genes” of the gambling games (the house edge and the types of bets) are in every corner of the casino and they aren’t always good. Look at the casino floor and you are looking at a mass of gambling genetics.

We all want to win. We all want the best results. We all want those bets to favor us. The hope of, “My child can one day become President,” can be reduced to, “At least he hasn’t killed anyone…yet.” Similarly, “I’m going to win a fortune,” can be reduced to, “I just lost the money for my heart operation.” And that is all due to “genes.”

There are more bad bets than good ones. That’s the truth and that is a truth many gamblers refuse to recognize. They will be victims of the genetic roulette of casino games. That is the way it is and has always been for the overwhelming majority of gamblers. In short, almost all parents will not produce the President of the United States.

[Read my book I Am a Card Counter: Inside the World of Advantage-Play Blackjack. Available on amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.]

The Top 10 Zombie Movies

Shaun of the Dead (2004): Simon Pegg (co-writer and star), Nick Frost, and co-written by Edgar Wright (writers deserve credit on this baby). Not only is this a great zombie movie, it is a great movie. The story of a near-do-well loser, his estranged girlfriend, her friends, his one friend, his mother and stepfather surrounded by zombies shuffling to take over England. It is a funny exploration of just how “off” the world of man can be with or without zombies. Just terrific and with each viewing you will see more and more that you missed previously.
Dawn of the Dead (2004): I hate fast-moving zombies. Depending on when a person died the body is in some state of rigor mortis. Even freshly dead zombies can’t have fast-twitch muscles. With that said, this reboot of the original “Dawn of the Dead” has everything a zombie movie needs, a cast of great characters who don’t always get along; a great hideout that is surrounded by zombies and an innovative way to get away – if they can actually get away. Humor and horror equal a great mix.
Night of the Living Dead (1968): The first of the modern zombie genre from George A. Romero. The zombies were not called zombies in this film but ghouls. A ghoul is a human creature that eats disgusting things such as, well, other humans. Scary as all get out and the black and white adds to the terror. A classic that still holds up.
Night of the Living Dead (1990): Some weird thing happened with the original “Night of the Living Dead.” Romero lost the rights to it and the film became public domain. So Romero decided to redo the film, in color, and succeeded in making another great zombie movie. It is faithful to the original and almost as good. Who said you can never go home again?
Dawn of the Dead (1978): George A. Romero. First movie that made me almost throw up in the theater. The scene where a man sees his sister? God was that disgusting. Tense, tightly written, well performed and a totally gross-out sequel to the original movie. The use of a shopping mall as the main location was a brilliant idea. Enjoy (and get a barf bag just in case).
28 Days Later (2002): The creatures in this film are filled with “rage,” which is a new virus that kills the victim and then reanimates him in a really pissed off mood. To make matters worse, the virus was made by man as a weapon and, as always, we screw up and it gets released. Don’t these stupid scientists learn from all the movies where their creations wind up killing the rest of us? Geez!) These zombies are fast moving but it seems appropriate for this movie since they are zombies filled with rage and not just hunger.
28 Weeks Later (2007): Might be better than the first movie. Hard to tell. This is a terrific story of where the world winds up a half year after the “rage” virus has devastated the land. The army is in control and as you know, in movies, they screw up just as bad as the scientists who invent the damn weapon.
World War Z (2013): I didn’t think I’d like this but I was totally wrong. Brad Pitt stars in a movie with a heavyweight script and enough suspense to keep you guessing. Can mankind overcome a worldwide and devastating zombie apocalypse?
Diary of the Dead (2008): George A. Romero. I don’t usually like the hand-held character-is-making-the-movie type of movie but this one works. A group of college kids, who are (thankfully) portrayed not as the typical idiot kids of the typical teenage movies, must flee an invasion of the zombies. Taut and suspenseful.
Land of the Dead (2005): George A. Romero. The zombies have won and one city remains unplagued. It is surrounded on three sides by rivers which the zombies don’t seem able to cross and the fourth side is walled and guarded. The zombies seem to be incapable of breaching this Troy. But you know what happened to the original Troy, right? While the citizens of this city try to duplicate the lives they lived before the zombie apocalypse, the devastation comes.

Honorable Mention (not in any order): “Zombieland” (2009): Fast zombies again but still an adventurous movie of some individuals trying to make a go of it in a world gone mad. “Fido” (2006) my zombie, my pet; “Flight of the Living Dead” (2007) even first class can’t save you; “I Am Legend” (2007), the book was about vampires but I am not sure what the heck these things are; and “Juan of the Dead” (2010) – Spanish with subtitles – a real hoot!

Forget About: The “Resident Evil” franchise. Waste of time. “Warm Bodies” an awful movie. All the other George A. Romero films, no spark to them. Sadly, most zombie movies do stink but the above should satisfy your craving for the flesh-eating horrors. New zombie movies might make this list when I watch them after they come out on Blu-Ray.