Kars 4 Kids: The Dreaded Earworm

I hate the Kars 4 Kids earworm – or as its website calls it – the “jingle.” This charity asks you to donate your car for a tax credit to help the kids. May they be damned!

I went to the site looking to identify the songwriter of this horrifying “jingle” (the ultimate earworm), but the site merely says it was written by a volunteer sometime in the late 1990s. That volunteer was probably some malevolent kid who well knew that his great creative moment would henceforth bring misery to the world.

I did some other research discovering that the charity is a religious one whose mission seems to be to raise funds so that non-religious Jewish kids can go to a camp that teaches them to be religious Jewish kids who drive cars. I have nothing against such a camp; to each his or her own – as long as no “jingle” is associated with it. However, the Kars 4 Kids company has been sued several times and has been fined by the courts. (I wonder if K4K was able to pay the courts in automotive parts instead of cash.)

I never found what I was looking for – the identity of the misshapen monster that composed the “jingle.”

When I hear the opening bars on the car radio early in the morning as we are returning from the pool from our daily swim, both my wife, the Beautiful AP, and I quickly shoot out our hands to turn off the radio. We have injured ourselves many times when our hands collided.

But we must (we must!) shut that damn “jingle” off before it possesses us.

If you have heard the “jingle” (unless you are short of intellect and a common humanity) I am sure you hate it too. I am sure it grates on you and might even cause you to have hateful feelings toward that songwriter and this charity too. If not, there must be something wrong with you.

I am a non-hateful man and I am not calling for any harm to come to that songwriting snake (just yet); nor do I want him to be guillotined (at the moment) or executed by firing squad (soon) or sent to Guantanamo Bay (tomorrow) as the terrorists are being released.

I simply want him to apologize for writing that “jingle” and promise to nevermore write another one.  And, please, take the damn thing off the air – or else!

[My new book is Confessions of a Wayward Catholic!]