Author: fscobe144

Fearless Money Management

 

The late Captain of Craps, the legendary Atlantic City player I have written about in many of my books, once explained to me his theory on how much a person should bet at whatever game he wishes to play in order to experience a high degree of thrill with a low chance of having a heart attack and an even lower chance of being totally bored.

Casino gambling for the recreational player should be a “manageable thrill.” The Captain stated that a typical casino blackjack player playing for matchsticks or pennies would get bored rather quickly, since no hand really meant that much to him – losing had no sting; winning had no adrenaline jolt. But, if he bet $500 a hand, he might find himself sweating profusely as he saw his rent money or food money going out the window on a sustained series of losses. He might, quite literally, drop dead from anxiety. In the case of the $500 better, the emotions would range from dread at losing to relief at not losing. Where’s the fun in that?

The Captain’s theory of a “manageable thrill” came down to a simple formula: The bets you make have to be large enough to make it worth wanting to win, but small enough to make losing them not cause you to think of all the things you could have bought had you not lost. That was your “thrill zone” – the range of betting that had meaning, win or lose, but was not really hurtful to your emotional or economic life.

Often players will bet a certain amount when they first start a game, but gradually increase their bets until they hit the “sweat zone” as the Captain called it. The sweat zone is the place where the bet becomes uncomfortable to think about. Many craps players hit the sweat zone after several presses of their bets. Worse, a controlled shooter who is having a good roll will sometimes start to think more about the money at risk than about shooting the dice in a relaxed and careful manner. This makes shooting the dice no longer a thrilling exercise for the player but an agony. What if I roll a seven? What if I lose? Look at all that money!

There’s no doubt the average casino player is a thrill seeker. Going up against Lady Luck is a roller coaster ride where your money and your emotions go up and down, up and down. For many people, going on roller coasters is a delight – but it isn’t a delight if you’ve had a big meal and become sick to your stomach. Betting too much at a casino game is the equivalent of going on a roller coaster with a full gurgling belly. It could become a sickening experience for you and for others watching you. Then again, going on the kiddie boats that go around and around, with those little kids ringing the bells, might not be thrilling enough for you.

Interestingly enough, I have also noticed similar phenomena among some card counters. They may start their betting at $25 but when the count calls for it, they have to move that bet up, sometimes by a lot. At a certain point, and even with that edge over the casino to boot, these card counters will begin to sweat their action.

The escalation of their bets has gotten their hearts pounding and they are now entering the sweat zone. Losing such large amounts, amounts actually measured in emotions and not cash, has made what up to that point had been a pleasant pastime into an emotionally wrenching moment.

Gaming writers love to talk about strategies, house edges, and bankroll requirements but rarely do we discuss the emotional bankroll that a person must have to bet at this or that level. A red chip player might wish he could play at the green level, might even be able to objectively afford to, but he just can’t bring himself to do it. His hands start to tremble as he pushes out the chips. If this happens to you at a certain betting level, don’t make the bet! If you know this fact then be content to bet within your thrill zone and don’t attempt to push the envelope. It isn’t worth the consternation, second-guessing, and self-flagellation such an action would cause you.

The Captain had, from years of experience, learned that some bets just aren’t worth making, even bets where you might have an edge, if the fear of loss becomes so overwhelming that the act of making the bet becomes an act of anguish.

Some philosophers have speculated that man is composed of three parts: mind, body and spirit. To enjoy casino gambling, all three of those components should be utilized. Your mind should tell you which are the best bets to make; your spirit should enjoy the contest; and your body will let you know when you’ve gone overboard because it will start sweating!

All the best in and out of the casinos!

Visit Frank’s web site at www.frankscoblete.com. Frank’s books are available at smile.Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, kindle, e-books and at bookstores.

A Manageable Thrill

 

The late Captain of Craps, the legendary Atlantic City player I have written about in many of my books, once explained to me his theory on how much a person should bet at whatever game he wishes to play in order to experience a high degree of thrill with a low chance of having a heart attack and an even lower chance of being totally bored.

Casino gambling for the recreational player should be a “manageable thrill.” The Captain stated that a typical casino blackjack player playing for matchsticks or pennies would get bored rather quickly, since no hand really meant that much to him – losing had no sting; winning had no adrenaline jolt. But, if he bet $500 a hand, he might find himself sweating profusely as he saw his rent money or food money going out the window on a sustained series of losses. He might, quite literally, drop dead from anxiety. In the case of the $500 better, the emotions would range from dread at losing to relief at not losing. Where’s the fun in that?

The Captain’s theory of a “manageable thrill” came down to a simple formula: The bets you make have to be large enough to make it worth wanting to win, but small enough to make losing them not cause you to think of all the things you could have bought had you not lost. That was your “thrill zone” – the range of betting that had meaning, win or lose, but was not really hurtful to your emotional or economic life.

Often players will bet a certain amount when they first start a game, but gradually increase their bets until they hit the “sweat zone” as the Captain called it. The sweat zone is the place where the bet becomes uncomfortable to think about. Many craps players hit the sweat zone after several presses of their bets. Worse, a controlled shooter who is having a good roll will sometimes start to think more about the money at risk than about shooting the dice in a relaxed and careful manner. This makes shooting the dice no longer a thrilling exercise for the player but an agony. What if I roll a seven? What if I lose? Look at all that money!

There’s no doubt the average casino player is a thrill seeker. Going up against Lady Luck is a roller coaster ride where your money and your emotions go up and down, up and down. For many people, going on roller coasters is a delight – but it isn’t a delight if you’ve had a big meal and become sick to your stomach. Betting too much at a casino game is the equivalent of going on a roller coaster with a full gurgling belly. It could become a sickening experience for you and for others watching you. Then again, going on the kiddie boats that go around and around, with those little kids ringing the bells, might not be thrilling enough for you.

Interestingly enough, I have also noticed similar phenomena among some card counters. They may start their betting at $25 but when the count calls for it, they have to move that bet up, sometimes by a lot. At a certain point, and even with that edge over the casino to boot, these card counters will begin to sweat their action.

The escalation of their bets has gotten their hearts pounding and they are now entering the sweat zone. Losing such large amounts, amounts actually measured in emotions and not cash, has made what up to that point had been a pleasant pastime into an emotionally wrenching moment.

Gaming writers love to talk about strategies, house edges, and bankroll requirements but rarely do we discuss the emotional bankroll that a person must have to bet at this or that level. A red chip player might wish he could play at the green level, might even be able to objectively afford to, but he just can’t bring himself to do it. His hands start to tremble as he pushes out the chips. If this happens to you at a certain betting level, don’t make the bet! If you know this fact then be content to bet within your thrill zone and don’t attempt to push the envelope. It isn’t worth the consternation, second-guessing, and self-flagellation such an action would cause you.

The Captain had, from years of experience, learned that some bets just aren’t worth making, even bets where you might have an edge, if the fear of loss becomes so overwhelming that the act of making the bet becomes an act of anguish.

Some philosophers have speculated that man is composed of three parts: mind, body and spirit. To enjoy casino gambling, all three of those components should be utilized. Your mind should tell you which are the best bets to make; your spirit should enjoy the contest; and your body will let you know when you’ve gone overboard because it will start sweating!

All the best in and out of the casinos!

Visit Frank’s web site at www.frankscoblete.com. Frank’s books are available at smile.Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, kindle, e-books and at bookstores.

Longer or Shorter?

 

One of the opening scenes of the 1995 movie Casino has Robert De Niro as Sam “Ace” Rothstein explaining how the casino makes money. A mega-high roller has just won millions from his casino and Rothstein and company want to get that money back. So Rothstein arranges for the guy’s plane to have some mechanical difficulties so the high roller returns to the casino.

Of course, this fellow is a gambler of the first order and, of course, he hits the tables once again, only to lose everything he won and then some. Rothstein explains that the longer a player plays the better it is for the casino. Why is that?

The house edge is geared to work over time, slowly grinding away at the player’s bankroll. Yes, a player can get lucky in the short run but over time? There is no problem for the casino to win money. Time is money in the bank for a casino.

But what is not exactly explained is how the casinos make money regularly. After all, most players come to a casino infrequently, at best a few times a year. And most of these players are nowhere near a mega-high roller. Here is how the casinos do it:

Take a look at a busy casino and think of the tens of thousands of decisions at the various games that are being made every day, sometimes every hour or less in the big ones, and realize that time can also be equated with the number of decisions a player plays. You see decisions also equal duration for the house edge to work its mathematical magic. Slot machines, video poker machines, blackjack, craps, roulette, mini-baccarat, and all those carnival table games launch those countless thousands of decisions after decisions against the player.

Yes, in that monstrous mass of players some of them are getting lucky today or tonight but that doesn’t matter; the weight of what’s happening heavily favors the casino. Just read the casinos’ monthly reports and you can plainly see how much each casino makes at their games.

Certainly our player above could have come back to the casino and continued his winning ways, but the point was finely made in the movie – the more you play the better the chance you’ll end up a loser.

So what is a player to do to somewhat offset that “the more play the better for the casino” fact? Play less!

What? Am I kidding here? Maybe you are the type of player who enjoys spending eight hours, maybe more, maybe less, a day in the temple of Lady Luck; how can I dare say play less? What if you only like to play a couple of hours a day?

I am not saying that you must play less time; what I am saying is simply this: In the time you spend playing, be it two hours, four hours, eight hours or more, experience fewer decisions during that time. Your expected losses over time will be far less if you do this.

Blackjack players playing a hundred-twenty hands per hour are giving the casino a good shot at them the longer they play. If that player enjoys playing five hours a day; count ‘em up: That’s 600 decisions playing against the house edge.

Think of the poor blackjack player who doesn’t play the computer derived basic strategy for his or her hands against the casino; that is asking for trouble over the few days such a player plays a year. What if that player plays weekly or every day? There’s only one word for that – yikes!

I am not going to say actually play less time since that would probably be anathema to almost all players. I am saying you can play as long as you like by separating clock time from decision-making time.

In our blackjack scenario above, what if the player could reduce his decision making time by 20 percent? Play your five or more hours but don’t play as many decisions in that time. How to do that? Here’s a simple guideline:

  • Only play at full or almost full tables. The number of decisions you face will automatically be reduced.
  • If you have to go to the bathroom, do so when the game is actually in progress, not while the dealer is shuffling. The game will be there when you come back.
  • Speaking of shuffling, do not play against continuous automatic shufflers as these add about 20 percent to the number of decisions you’ll face in an hour.
  • Be friendly. The more players talk at the table, the slower the game goes.
  • Bet less than you usually do. If you are a $25 player, go down to $20 or even $15. That reduction of play will lose you far less money over time.
  • Do not be concerned with comps. They are given based on your theoretical loss, not the fact that you have a pleasing personality.

These types of approaches to the game of blackjack can also be used at just about all the other games.

All the best in and out of the casinos!

Visit Frank’s web site at www.frankscoblete.com. Frank’s books are available at smile.Amazon.com, Kindle, Barnes and Noble, e-books and at bookstores.

Awesome Monsters in Awful Movies

 

I make no bones about it; I love monster movies. Yes, indeed, I do.

Still many monster movies that are awful have terrific monsters in them. These monsters have become somewhat legendary even though the movie or movies in which they appear are terrible. Here are a few awesome monsters in awful movies:

The Blob: This 1958 movie is the pits. It has a bunch of annoying 1950s teenagers that you want to see killed immediately. Yes, it does star a young Steve McQueen but other than that, the only thing it has going for it is the Blob. And what a great creature the Blob is!

Coming down in a cheesy meteor, the Blob was a small, gelatinous mass (akin to red jello) that attached itself to some dull, old, drunken guy who lived in a old, ramshackle house deep in the old woods. The Blob attaches itself to the old guy’s arm and starts eating him slowly. When he dies, it is no loss.

When the Blob has finished devouring the old guy and it has grown proportionally, it eats a doctor and then begins to eat dogs and other townspeople. Finally, the monstrous Blob gets into a movie theater and all hell breaks loose. How can they kill the beast? Don’t worry the annoying teenagers have figured out a way!

Yeah, they freeze the damn thing and the movie ends with the question of whether the Blob will return. (It does…in more awful movies.)

But this monster is a great idea. If it keeps eating it can devour almost all living things on the entire earth. Wow! A wonderful concept; the entire earth consumed by a look-alike to the dessert you get in a hospital. The movie is awful but the Blob is awesome.

The Creature from the Black Lagoon: A 1954 movie about a creature from—where else?—the Black Lagoon. It was originally presented in 3D and I saw it way back when, but the only thing I can remember from that viewing was some hand stuck in a rock of a mountain range of some type. I have seen it several times now in 2D as an adult. The movie rots in either format.

Even as a kid, I had to stifle the yawns until the creature actually appeared. It was the gill man, partly a water creature but with a human physique.

The creature fell in love with one of those pretty 1950s women who enjoyed swimming in a dark, murky lagoon somewhere in the Amazon jungle. Okay, so women back then were portrayed as idiots but I really didn’t care. They were pretty and that was enough for me. It was also enough for the creature who took to her immediately. In the Black Lagoon there was a dearth pretty gill girls.

Needless to say, he tries to kidnap her and make her his bride (or whatever such horny creatures made women in the Amazon) but he is stopped and then brought to civilization and, like King Kong, things did not go well for him.

This is one great monster and he appears in two more films, each worse than the one before. The creature is 0 for 3 in movies but he is a memorable guy.

Christopher Lee as Dracula in a host of movies: Christopher Lee played Dracula in a host of movies beginning with the quite good Horror of Dracula (1958), a Hammer films production. Then he made sequel after sequel, each one suckier than the one before it.

Lee was a magnificent Dracula; tall, sexy, masculine, who commanded every scene in which he appeared, even in movies that should have been eaten by the Blob.

I will still occasionally watch the Horror of Dracula, a movie that pits Lee’s consummate Dracula against Peter Cushing’s intense Dr. Van Helsing. These two were great in one movie that was worth watching until Hammer’s Dracula vehicle went steadily and speedily downhill. But Lee was awesome and I think of him as the best Dracula of all time.

Godzilla: A 1954 film that mimicked the terrific American movie The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953). Admittedly, the movie has a great monster that is 300 to 400 feet tall; a fierce creature that can spew fire, but the movie itself goes up in smoke. The American producers dumped Raymond Burr into the film as a narrating American journalist for American audiences and based on his performance, Burr deserved what the teenagers in The Blob deserved. Until recent Godzilla movies, the entire series of Japanese films starring Godzilla as well as movies featuring other truly awesome monsters (Rodan among them) unfortunately need to be dumped into the radioactive part of the ocean from whence Godzilla obviously came. The awesome monsters cannot overcome a terrible screenplay, bad directing and lousy acting.

May modern filmmakers hear my prayer and give awesome monsters the films they deserve!

Frank’s web site is www.frankscoblete.com. His books are available from smile.Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, kindle, e-books and at bookstores.

 

 

 

When is a Friend not a Friend?

 

Julius Caesar had a slight problem with his friends. They killed him. I know, this is not what you want from your friends, your assassination. That shows you what they really think of you as in they think that you are better off dead.

Casino players also have to be careful of the friends with whom they go to the casinos. Are they good for you? Bad for you? Will they ultimately help in creating economic woes for you should you follow their leads? Can you be assassinated by your friends in the temple of Lady Luck as Caesar was assassinated in the Roman senate?

There are some important factors to consider. Be honest with yourself now. Are your friends nutty gamblers? Do they drink to excess and play strategies that are poor or just plain awful? The higher they get, the dumber they get? Do they encourage you to do what they do? Do they egg you on to poor decisions? Do they play too long and keep digging into their pockets if things aren’t going well for them?

By now you must be thinking, “Such friends are not good friends at all – at least not in the casino environment where control and discipline are important ingredients for a player to have.”

Joshua had a problem with his friends. “They would start the evening off really cool and disciplined but as time went on they got crazier and crazier and louder and louder. Some of that I owe to the drinking; some of it was just as they really got into the games, they just lost sight of the fact that they were betting real money that they had earned by working.”

But for Joshua the above was not the worst of it. “As they got more rambunctious they wanted me to take part in their shenanigans but I didn’t want to. They loved to tease the cocktail waitresses and that made me uncomfortable. I finally avoided going to the casinos with them. Otherwise, outside the casino, they were regular guys but it was like they became werewolves in the casino.”

Melanie too had to jettison her casino friends. “I couldn’t take the complaining. Nothing was ever right for them. If they were losing they blamed the dealer for their losses and they would get on the dealers and it was so embarrassing to be with them. If they didn’t get the comps they thought they deserved everybody in the casino had to hear about because they were so loud in protesting how they were being treated. I couldn’t stand that. I wanted my casino visits to be fun, not filled with grief. I dumped them and I am happy I did so.”

Paul had someone he called the “nudge.” This guy was always getting on him to bet more money and make poor bets. “I wanted to bet my money my way and he was always hassling me. I don’t know, it was almost like he wanted me to lose my money and that was really so if he were having a bad night. How could he not have a bad night? The way he bet he was asking for it. But I wasn’t asking for it.”

So there is a simple lesson here. You want your casino friends to enhance your casino experiences; not wreck them.

All the best in and out of the casinos!

Frank’s web site is www.frankscoblete.com. His books are available from smile.Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, kindle, e-books and at bookstores.

Franklin versus Franklin

 

This information may be apocryphal but so what? Apocryphal stories can be fascinating. A biblical apocryphal story titled “The Wisdom of Solomon” has the author (the smartest man of all time!) caution men not to marry more than one wife, as the anger and conflicts caused by those backbiting women couldn’t be contained.

Ben Franklin and his illegitimate son William Franklin were close for a while, but when the Revolutionary War was brewing William was a “loyalist” to the British, while Ben supported the Revolution. That didn’t enhance their relationship.

William and Ben also disputed which language should be used by Americans; it was a tossup between German and English.  The Germans dominated the northern populace throughout the early days and they were the first of the hated immigrants.  Ben wanted people to speak only English while William leaned towards German. That didn’t enhance their relationship either.

But their big blowout came about because of a bird or, rather, two birds—the bald eagle and the wild turkey. There was a big debate flaring in the colonies as to which bird should be their emblem and later on, the emblem of United States.

William championed the bald eagle because he and his supporters thought the bird was regal and a true monarch of the air. Ben advocated the wild turkey because it was combative and didn’t take any guff from other birds or people. It also tasted a lot better than the bald eagle. Perhaps Ben liked the wild turkey because it was quite promiscuous, enjoying the intimate company of as many lady turkeys as it could.

To this day Americans love turkey, consuming over 750 million pounds of it, according to the University of Illinois Extension.

William’s predilection for the regality of the bald eagle probably came from his love of the British crown and royalty in general. Although not as promiscuous as his father, William did sire his own illegitimate son much like Ben and King Solomon.

Although a close look at the bald eagle will reveal that although it does nail fish and small varmints, it will also chow down on carrion. So it isn’t as regal as William at first thought. Still, unlike the turkey, the bald eagle does not make a habit of attacking people. It’s generally a loner, while the wild turkey prefers gang colors.

Father/son relationships can be fraught with difficulties, as many of you know; just look at Luke Skywalker and his dear old dad, Darth Vader. That relationship cost Luke an arm, although I actually prefer the leg (of a turkey that is).

Visit Frank’s web site at www.frankscoblete.com. His books are available at smile.amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, as e-books and at bookstores.

 

Does Amy Sherman-Palladino Hate Her Characters?

 

I love the works of writer, director, producer Amy Sherman-Palladino. She is the creator of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, the first two seasons of which have been A+, and before that, the long-running Gilmore girls, which was an “A” show until…Ms. Sherman-Palladino went rogue and destroyed her two leading romantic characters, Lorelai Gilmore and Luke Danes.

Gilmore girls got so irritating at the end of the sixth season that my wife, the Beautiful AP, and I dropped out early in the seventh season. We became disgusted with the character of Lorelai and felt heavy-hearted for the mistreatment of the wonderful character of Luke.

You see from season one the audience knew (as did the entire fictional town of Stars Hollow, Connecticut) that ultimately Lorelai and Luke would get together and marry. In a romantic comedy (some writers call this show a dramedy) the relationships dictate the eventual resolutions.

In this case, Luke and Lorelai were meant for each other. But our show-runner, Ms. Sherman-Palladino, decided to take Lorelai, the somewhat goofy, talkative, eccentric but lovable and accomplished main character and have her do two things that destroyed the entire series: Lorelai gave Luke a long-winded ultimatum about the two of them getting married right now, without letting Luke respond (Luke often finds it difficult to get his ideas into conversations), and then, after stomping away, she went to her ex-boyfriend and the father of her daughter and slept with him that night.

That night!

My wife and I looked at each other and both of us shouted, “What the hell?”

How could this charming character act so out-of-character? Yes, she had many affairs but her relationship with Luke went way back and was way deep.

From that point we couldn’t stand the character of Lorelai. Her witticisms were wormy; her machine-gun aphorisms and analyses were annoying; everything about her turned us off. How strange to suddenly despise a character you loved for so many episodes. How strange indeed.

The character went from humorous to humorless.

The show went from fun to exasperating.

I am talking about the writing of the show, not the acting—which was all topnotch. The creator suddenly didn’t know her creation and ruined it, like God wiping out his creation in a flood.

The Internet is replete with dismayed Gilmore girls fans who mourn the loss of their beloved characters and practically accuse Amy Sherman-Palladino of homicide.

With the third season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel set to premier in a couple of weeks, my wife and I are cautious. Will Amy Sherman-Palladino ruin her characters in this show as well? Can a writer of such magnitude actually enjoy destroying her creations? It remains to be seen.

My wife and I can only hope that Sherman-Palladino will give her audience members what they want…a satisfying ending.

 

 

The Empire State Building is Still the Tallest!

 

It is now common knowledge that the Empire State Building is listed as the 38th tallest building in the world. It isn’t even considered the tallest building in New York City anymore, having given way to the One World Trade Center, which is 1776 feet high and is in sixth place on the world’s tallest-buildings list.

Yes, look at the list and check out how many of the tallest buildings are in China and in the Middle East. Supposedly the United States just can’t reach for the sky anymore. We have been surpassed by a host of buildings-come-lately.

Utter nonsense! The Empire State Building is still the tallest building in the world—without question.

How do I know that the Empire State Building is the world’s tallest? Because King Kong, the Eighth Wonder of the World, clearly demonstrated this.

Do not fall into the logic-trap by saying that King Kong is merely a fictional character in a 1933 fiction movie bearing his name. In fiction there is often massive truth and King Kong, the movie, and more importantly, King Kong the character, actually transcend all time limits.

He was the most powerful beast that ever lived and he climbed the world’s tallest, strongest building, New York’s now iconic Empire State Building, where he met his doom. What damage was this massive, super-powerful beast able to inflict on the building? None.

Now go to the Internet and look at the 37 buildings that claim to be taller than the Empire State Building. Can you picture any of them standing up to the power of Kong? Of course you can’t! None of these buildings could withstand the mighty simian.

Look at these buildings: mostly glass and steal and some concrete. Kong would have put his hand through all of them. They are fragile compared to his strength! I doubt he would have gotten a quarter of the way up their sides before his destructive power would have stopped him as the building started to crumble.

Keep in mind that the only fictional character to ever go up the side of today’s supposedly tallest building, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, was action star Tom Cruise who busted a window to get back inside the structure. Tom Cruise versus King Kong? Come on now. Yes, Cruise is a fine action-actor, but Kong would have squished him. At any time Kong could have crashed through the façade of the Burj Khalifa, something he could not do to the Empire State Building.

There stands the case: King Kong could practically level today’s tallest buildings but he could do no damage to the truly greatest of them all—The Empire State Building, the structural equivalent to the “Eighth Wonder of the World.”

Kong clearly demonstrated what was—and is—the tallest, mightiest building in the world.

So don’t be fooled by today’s statistics of the tallest buildings on earth; as Mark Twain once wrote, “There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.” Take that quote to heart.

Frank’s books are available on smile.Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, kindle, e-books and at bookstores. Follow Frank on his web site at www.frankscoblete.com.

The Worst Players Club on Earth

 

I walked up to the Players Club counter. There was no line and I was able to get to a representative of the Club in a hurry. She was talking to the representative next to her and also checking her fingernails.

“Yeah, well, I told him that he could just pack his bags and go home to his momma if he kept cheating on me and you know what he said? He said his mother loved him more than I did. Well I threw the drink right in his face that’s what I did; smack in the face….”

“Ah, excuse me,” I interrupted.

“Just a minute, I’m talking can’t you see that? God some people,” she said, referring to me. “They think they can just jump into your conversation. Now, where was I?”

“I have some questions about the Players Club,” I said.

“Take care of him fast and we can get back when you’re done,” said her co-worker, a disheveled young man with little sprouts of hair on his face.

“What do you want?” my representative asked me as she checked both sides of her fingers.

“Hi, Ma’am, I just signed up for the Deluxe, Glittery Gold, Super-Dooper Casino Players Club, could you tell me how the points and comps are established?” I asked.

“I don’t have all day, you know, and it’s Miss, not Ma’am, got that? I ain’t that old. Oh, jeez, can’t you just follow the simple formula, for crying out loud? I could really use a cigarette. Joey, baby, when is my break?”

“You just went on a break,” yells Joey, her co-worker, from the position right next to her.

“Could you tell me what that comp formula is?” I asked.

“It is so simple even a two-year old should be able to figure it out. Can’t you figure it out?”

“Help me, please, okay?” I asked.

“Listen now because I don’t want to have to repeat myself. You earn one point for every one hundred dollars you put through the machine and when you have 13,567 points we subtract the weight of one-billionth of the earth from that amount then we divide by 16 and subtract 7 to assess your play. Of course on Tuesdays and Wednesday’s we subtract one ten-billionths of the weight of the planet Pluto from the formula to give you something extra as your slot club return. Good luck because you’ll need it if you gamble in this joint!”

“Look, I didn’t quit understand….”

“I have a whole line of people waiting.”

“Uh, there’s no one behind me,” I said.

“They’re coming. They’re coming.”

“Do you need to know the time?” I asked.

“I’m looking at my watch to see how much of my time you’ve taken.”

“What kind of comps do you give out for what types of play?” I asked.

“You’re full of questions, aren’t you? Oh, jeez, what do you play?”

“Some slots and some tables. I play 25-cent slots. And $5 on the tables.”

“You’re a squirt of a player so you won’t get much. You should play more and maybe we’ll give you something but right now you are just wasting our time when you play. The plastic in your Players Club card costs more than you’re worth.”

“Ah, ha, ha, ha,” roared Joey at that joke. Then a patron came up to him.

“I want to know how much in comps I have?” he asked.

“Can’t you use the automated machine? It’s not hard you know,” said Joey. “They are right over there.” He pointed and the customer begrudgingly obeyed him.

“You don’t get much in comps for my level of play?” I asked my representative.

“You’ll get some little ones and some crummy little gifts every so often, like plastic key chains and some cheap cups with our logo on them and the paint probably has lead in it. What do you want from your level of play anyway? You’re lucky we even give you a Players Club card.”

“I thought every player was valuable to the casino?” I asked.

“Yeah, right, where did you get that idea? I could really use a cigarette. Do you smoke?”

“I never smoked. Mark Twain discouraged me,” I said.

“Who’s he, some dumb doctor?”

“Never mind, thanks for your time,” I said and walked away.

“Yeah, well, you got any more questions we have some kind of booklet.”

“Could I have it?” I asked.

“Go over to hotel registration and they might have one.”

“Thanks,” I said into the air.

Okay the above scenario is not real and I have never met Players Club representatives who are so grossly uncivil and demeaning – and I belong to Players Clubs all over the country and in Canada. But there is some truth in exaggeration.

The purpose of a Players Club is to get players to want to play longer and for more money than they planned to. If you didn’t realize that, give some thought to the casino as a business entity. Any good business wants its products to be attractive so that a customer coming in to buy a toaster just might also spring for the unplanned microwave, if the microwave is presented in an appealing way. The representatives of the business need to be pleasant and friendly and encouraging so that business can thrive.

The representatives I wrote about above were the worst of all possible worlds – who would want to deal with people who were like that or even somewhat like that? No one.

Players must feel they are being rewarded with freebies for being such a great customer – and all players should feel that the casino wants their action, even if it’s small-roller action. But the bottom line is, after all, the bottom line. Good players clubs increase the bottom line for their casinos; bad players clubs don’t.

All the best in and out of the casinos!

Frank Scoblete web site is www.frankscoblete.com. His books are available from smile.amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, kindle, e-books and at bookstores.

She is and She isn’t

 

My wife the beautiful AP was a great card counter at blackjack. We played together as a team from 1989 to June of 2001 when our youngest son, Michael, graduated from college. The moment we finished the graduation ceremony she said to me, “I am now officially retired from playing blackjack.”

I had a strong feeling this was coming. We were spending way over a 100 days a year in the casinos – and that was a lot since we live in New York and the shortest commute we had was 3 ½ hours to Atlantic City. For two people who hate to drive those hours dragged by. Indeed, we went to Vegas far more often than we did to Atlantic City because Vegas had the very best blackjack games in the country, including the best of all time at the Maxim in the early 1990s where all but one card was dealt out of a single-deck game. In addition, the game had great rules too.

While the beautiful AP enjoyed going to the casinos, the intense pressure of counting cards because we needed to make money had taken its toll. She was totally burnt out. She liked the swimming pools, the shows, the gourmet dinners, the great conversations with friends but her card counting career was now over. In those days, the great new card counting method Speed Count which I write about in my new book Beat Blackjack Now! did not exist – maybe she would not have burned out had we been playing Speed Count instead of the traditional methods.

“How about playing craps again?” I asked. “I’ll teach you how to control the dice.”

The beautiful AP gave me that look; that look all husbands understand.

“No, seriously,” I said. “Once you learn to control the dice, you’ll really enjoy the game.”

Now, the reason the beautiful AP shied away from craps didn’t have anything to do with the nature of the game since it is – in my opinion – the most exciting table game in the casino. Her rejection of the game had more to do with her own personal experiences shooting the dice.

You see, while the beautiful AP was a consummate blackjack card counter, she was a deadly craps shooter – meaning anyone at the table, players and dealers, faced death while she was shooting and with each and every one of her throws I held my breath praying no one would get hurt. When the dice left her hands, they were like twin-bullets shot from a twisted tortured gun barrel. She had no idea where the dice were going, I had no idea where the dice were going and certainly the dice had no idea of where they were going.

One time she threw the dice so hard that both went whizzing past the head of the player standing at the end of the table. One went past one side of his head; the other die went past the other side of his head. She once threw the dice down the cleavage of a young woman to the cheers of all the salivating males at the table. She once hit herself in the face as she shook the dice in her hand as one die shot out at her.

Perhaps her greatest and most deadly feat was throwing the dice and having one hit the boxman and one hit the stickman. If you don’t know the game of craps, the boxman is on one side of the table; the stickman is directly across from him. Even Annie Oakley couldn’t have performed such a trick shot. The boxman was hit on the forehead; the stickman was hit in the chest. AP turned bright red and gave up the dice. That was her last roll; her last time playing the game.

I tried to convince her to play again. She said, “I could kill someone with the way I throw.” I told her she didn’t have to throw. She gave me that look again, “What’s the point of playing craps if you don’t throw? That’s the thrill of the game.”

In 2002 I had her enroll in my dice control course. She reluctantly agreed.

Now some of my critics like to think that I exaggerate some of my true-life stories. I mean seriously, how could anyone throw two dice to opposite ends of a table with one throw as I am claiming the beautiful AP did? That has to be impossible right?

Well, in the class I had the instructor we call “Old Eagle Eyes” be AP’s mentor. He is a patient, laid back individual who would handle my wonderful wife wonderfully. He sat down in the boxman’s position and I was in the stickman’s position. AP took the dice for the very first time – and performed her miracle again. She hit “Old Eagle Eyes” right in the head and, to top off her first achievement of this great feat, she hit me on the cheek!

Eagle Eyes sat stunned, “I thought you were exaggerating when you said she once did this. I can’t believe it.” He picked up the die. “These things are really sharp!” he laughed.

Over the course of two days, the beautiful AP did get better but she never accepted the fact that she could become a good enough dice controller to make money at the game. So that class ended her craps career.

My wife was a great card counter at blackjack and she also was the deadliest dice shooter the world has ever seen – and that’s no exaggeration!

Visit Frank’s web site at www.frankscoblete.com. His books are available from smile.Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, kindle, e-books and at bookstores.