I was in one of the produce aisles at Best Yet in Franklin Square, lazily waiting for my wife, the Beautiful AP, to select which delicious fruits and vegetables she would force me to eat.
The man was several feet away and chewing madly. He picked several grapes from a grape bag and shoved them into his mouth. He had little finesse as the grape juice went down his chin and dripped back into the grapes’ bins. Some unsuspecting shopper would buy grapes sprinkled with his spit.
Then he moved to the next batch of fruit, and the next. If he could ram it into his mouth he’d eat it. He even pushed small tomatoes in there.
I’d guess the guy was about 75 years old, neatly dressed. He did buy some items—a cantaloupe, a few avocadoes, a half watermelon. I guess these were not easy to gobble down in a single swallow. He did eat the heads off a couple of small bunches of broccoli.
This was a truly annoying man (let me say it straight—this was a disgusting, drooling man) who joined my supermarket buffet list; you know, those characters who think they can nibble this or that in the produce aisle because they might buy something.
There was the harried woman with the little brat riding in the cart (“Ma! Ma! Ma! I want that!”). She actually gave this whiny kid “free” produce. There was the fat man who ate delicately for about five minutes as if he were at a gourmet restaurant. He even tried an apple! He bought nothing.
How about this one? A woman ate a small slice of peach and – this is horrifying – put the uneaten part it back in the pile! Or the fine diner who carried around a small plate with her as she sampled the “buffet”!
Maybe these and others like them think they can do this because none of the store’s employees stop them.
Many of these gourmands are older and they brazenly swallow their prey with pride and defiance. They know no one would tackle a person using a walker.
As I watch these thieves fill their stomachs, I could lose the contents of mine.
[My new book Confessions of a Wayward Catholic is available at amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble, and at bookstores.]