I Will Destroy My Grandkids!


My wife the Beautiful AP (known to our grandkids as Grand AP) brought a Scrabble game over when we were on babysitting duty for New Year’s Eve. Our grandkids are a boy 11 (known as Johnny Scobes) and a girl of nine (Dani Scobes). The Scobe name is going to live on.

“We’re going to play Scrabble,” said Grand AP taking out our Scrabble Board.

“Are you sure, my beauty?” I asked. “I mean, I am going to destroy all of you if we play that game.”

“You don’t know that Grandpa Scobe,” said Dani Scobes.

I bent down and whispered into Johnny Scobes’ ear, “I am going to kick your ass!” I whispered so Grand AP wouldn’t be able to hear me as she dislikes when I do “guy-talk” with Johnny Scobes. Johnny Scobes, of course, smiled as I said the word “ass” and now he felt he could whisper the word back to me. “No, I am going to kick your big fat ass.” Please note my grandson’s creativity. He added the words “big” and “fat” to the threat.

“I know what you guys are doing,” said Grand AP. “There’s not to be any bad talk.”

“He started it,” I lied. Johnny Scobes shook his head no.

By some kind of process of elimination ruled over by Grand AP, I was slated to go last.

And the game began.

“I have never lost in this game,” I bragged.

“You lose to me all the time,” said Grand AP.

“Only sometimes all the time,” I said.

“The rest of the times too,” she said.

And we played. I kept pointing to Johnny Scobes and making a fist. “You’re dead.”

Johnny Scobes laughed.

Dani Scobes said, “Grandpa, if you brag it will be worse when you lose. You shouldn’t brag.”

“Listen kid,” I said. “When it comes to Scrabble I am the king of the universe.”

“What would be a good score?” asked Dani Scobe.

“Anything over one hundred,” said Grand AP.

The final score was:

Grand AP – 150

Dani Scobes – 108

Johnny Scobes – 106

Grandpa Scobe – 78


Obviously, the game was fixed.


[Read Frank’s book Confessions of a Wayward Catholic! On sale at Amazon.com, kindle, Barnes and Noble and at bookstores.]

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